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Grammatically Correct: Mixed Constructions Nonsense

Posted on January 26, 2016 by

by Dodici Azpadu

As writers, we can be lulled by careless speech into thinking that what we hear is correct on paper.

The reason the Yankees lost the series was because of their pitching.Sounds correct, doesn’t it? Phrases like the following often result in mixed construction: is when, is where, the reason … is or was.

These words suggest place, time, and causality; however, place, time, and causality often do not make sense with the verbs is, are, was, or were. After forms of the verb to be (is, are, was, were), a noun that renames the subject or an adjective that modifies the subject is customary. In the example above was is followed by an adverbial clause because of their pitching. The correct way to write the sentence is:

The Yankees lost the series because of their pitching.Misplaced, Limited and Dangling Modifiers
Mixed constructions are frequently related to misplaced and dangling modifiers because errors in these groups do not make logical or grammatical sense. Misplaced limiting modifiers are epidemic in speech. Use the following limiting modifiers cautiously: only, even, almost, nearly and just.

I only want my father to pay for tuition.In this sentence, only modifies the verb want. Surely the speaker has other wants. Do not put a limiting modifier in front of a verb, unless you intend to modify the verb. The rule is to place a limiting modifier directly in front of the word or words it modifies. The meaning of a sentence changes depending on where only is placed.

I want only my father to pay for tuition.
I want my father to pay for tuition only.Consider another example of a misplaced limiting modifier.

I just went to the grocery store, not to the bar.Just modifies went, but to what purpose? Correctly written, just limits grocery store, not went, as in the example that follows.

I went just to the grocery store, not to the bar.Sometimes you do want to limit the verb, as in the following example.

Sometimes, I can’t even find the keyboard, much less strike the keys.You may leave the grammatical subtleties to a paid copy editor, or you can save money by avoiding the faulty construction, which is often wordy as well as incorrect.

Dodici Azpadu, MFA, PhD is a novelist, short story writer, and poet. Her fiction publications include: Saturday Night in the Prime of Life and Goat Song (Aunt Lute/Spinsters Ink) and subsequently Onlywoman (London, England). Living Room (2010) and Traces of a Woman (2014), both by Neuma Books, are available as ebooks. She’s currently at work on a novel, tentatively titled Living Lies.

Her poetry publications include Wearing the Phantom Out (2013) and Rumi’s Falcon from Neuma Books. Individual poems have appeared in Malpais Review, Adobe Walls, ContraACultura (online), Parnassus, Sinister Wisdom, Latuca, The Rag, and The Burning Bush. Her work has also been anthologized in Centos: A Collage of Poems and Hey Pasean!

Dodici teaches “The Joy of Poetry” and “Craft of Creating Writing” classes through University of New Mexico’s Osher Lifelong Learning.

This article was originally published in the June 2011 issue of SouthWest Sage and is reprinted here by permission of the author.

The Writing Life: The Good Fight

Posted on January 21, 2016 by

by Olive Balla

The current economy has become a tough sparring partner for those of us who dream of seeing our stories in print. Many budding writers, after having been rejected for the umpteenth time, are tempted to crawl off into a corner and lick their wounds while hugging their latest manuscript to their bosoms. After finally getting a bellyful of rejection, a friend of mine—a published playwright with two sold and performed plays under her belt—has permanently packed away her storytelling persona. That’s not only sad, but it’s a loss to our culture.

It’s not that I can’t relate to my friend. I can.

More than one agent has responded to my email query with words decrying harsh fiscal realities and suggesting my story might be marketable in less turbulent times. One soft-hearted agent actually apologized for turning me down. She offered words of comfort, saying her refusal did not mean my writing was not good; in fact, she’d spent a great deal of time in making her decision, but she could only accept authors who were a “surefire” sell.

So, where does that leave those of us who are not of the J.K. Rowling ilk? What are the options available to those of us who would be thrilled just to have our work out there, and hopefully, being read—even if our readership might not number in the tens of thousands? The good news is that there are still some avenues open to today’s writers.

Many authors are opting to self-publish, shouldering the task of marketing their own books. This approach can not only cost a great deal of the author’s up-front money, but is heavily contingent upon the amount of time the author is willing, or able, to put into selling herself.

Other writers have put their stories online, selling them for 99 cents a pop as Ebooks. This tactic has potential, especially when there are so many folks willing to risk 99 cents on a virtual book rather than spend eight dollars for a paperback.

Some shop their books to small publishing houses in hopes that having one published book will lead to heightened marketability for the next. But a small publisher often does not pay an advance, much less an advance for future books. I know one writer who was thrilled to have her first book published by a small house, but had to start all over again when the publisher went bankrupt.

One thing for sure, the art of writing has metamorphosed into a completely different creature from what it was 50 years ago. Or perhaps the art itself has not changed so much as has its audience. People whose lives are scheduled in five-minute increments simply don’t have the time, or the patience, to slog through an initial ten pages of description before getting to the meat of a story. For those of us who feel it necessary to bring the reader up to speed on characters and their pre-story lives, this presents a challenge. At what point in the story should we describe our protagonist’s physical, mental, spiritual, and emotional attributes? How much detail should we offer about the setting?

Having spent hundreds of dollars on how-to writing books, I’ve found one golden thread that connects them all: if I want my fiction to be published, I must adopt a marketable style of writing and I must know my audience.

But isn’t writing merely to sell prostituting the craft? That depends upon one’s perspective, as well as one’s goals. Every writer comes to a fork in the path and must make a choice: she can stubbornly stick to her style and be satisfied with the superlatives offered by friends and family; or she can sharpen her technique so that complete strangers will not only want to read her stories, but will pay to do so.

As for me, my storyteller’s head may be bloodied, but remains unbowed. To give energy to the thought of hanging up my writer’s crop and jodhpurs is anathema to me. Because the escapism of fiction brought me through a difficult stretch in my life, I will continue to find time to close out the rest of the world and catapult my senses into other times, other places, and other dimensions. I will continue tweaking, refining, and querying. I will continue to pay my subscriptions to various writers’ magazines, I will enter writing contests, and I will continue to connect with other writers at meetings and conferences. But most importantly, to paraphrase Winston Churchill: I will never, never, never give up.

Olive Balla, author of suspense novel An Arm and a Leg, is mother of 3, grandmother to 13, great-grandmother of 4, a retired educator, and part-time professional musician. Having been everything from secretary at a used car dealership, a university student, and a high school Spanish teacher, Balla states her characters are, in part, amalgamations of people she’s met. Living with her husband Victor in the Albuquerque area, she spends her spare time in a small woodworking shop designing and building everything from breadboxes and wine racks, to a porch bench. Visit her website at omballa.com.

This article was originally published in the June 2011 issue of SouthWest Sage and is reprinted here by permission of the author.

Songwriting: The Basics

Posted on January 19, 2016 by

by Robyn Mackenzie

So you want to write songs? Awesome! Music is a powerful and accessible medium with the ability to reach audiences of all ages. Sometimes, though, it’s hard to know where to start. With the melody? The lyrics? The glittery outfit for the music video? The truth is that songwriting is just like any other form of writing. The only way it will happen is if you write. Here are a few guidelines to help you get started on the right track.

Write What You Know
(Yes, it’s a cliché. Get over it.)

Had a heartbreak recently? Write about it. Something in the political world got your feathers ruffled? Write about it. Love your cat? Write about it. Songs are an extremely versatile medium and anything goes as far as subject matter. Many newbie songwriters believe that, in order for a song to be good, it needs to be a deep soliloquy on matters of romance or internal conflict. And certainly many songs about these subjects have been great successes. However, one need look no further than the Toby Keith hit “Red Solo Cup” to know that even the little things can make successful songs.

No Instrument? No Problem
You don’t need to be a musician in order to be a songwriter. Many songwriters stick to lyrics only, and collaborate with musicians to come up with a melody and chord progression that works. Certainly having some musical training helps, but it’s not necessary. If being involved in the musical aspect of songwriting is important to you, try taking piano lessons, or getting books on music theory, or asking a musician friend to sit down with you and go over some basics.

The main musical idea lyricists tend to struggle with is meter, or how many beats go in a measure. One line of lyrics is generally about 1-2 measures long, so it needs to be pretty concise. Tap a beat on your leg or desk if it helps. A line like, “Since you’ve been gone, it feels like there’s been a layer of ice all over my heart” may be a little clunky, but “Since you’ve been gone, my heart’s turned to ice” flows more smoothly and creates a stronger image.

You Don’t Have to Rhyme to Have a Good Time
Some great lyrics have crashed and burned because a songwriter felt they had to make a perfect rhyme. “Your smile was like a shining star” is an evocative image, but if you rhyme it with “When I met you in that bar,” it’s going to create a certain tone for your listeners that you may or may not have intended (i.e., that particular rhyme would be great for a country song, but don’t try it in a sensitive love ballad). Ask yourself: “What kind of feelings do I want my listeners to have? Is there another word that evokes that feeling, even if it doesn’t rhyme?” In some cases, choosing not to rhyme can make a lyric more powerful. You poets out there are well aware of this already. That being said, if you haven’t studied or written poetry before, check out some books and learn about the different kinds of rhyme, such as imperfect rhyme, internal rhyme, and other rhyme schemes.

On that note, songs are NOT poetry set to music. Not always. What makes an amazing poem will not necessarily make an amazing song. This doesn’t mean, though, that you can’t learn from poetry, or that you can’t start with a poem and turn it into a song. Just be aware that they have different forms and presentation methods.

Challenge Yourself and Have Fun!
You don’t need me to tell you this—writing can be SCARY. The good thing about songs, as opposed to, say, novels, is that they’re fairly short and you don’t need as much detail to tell a story. So have fun with it! Try experimenting with different genres, voices, POVs, and subject matter. Work with other songwriters.

A great place to start (or continue!) is February Album Writing Month (FAWM), an online challenge to write 14 songs in 28 days. It’s like National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) for songwriters! You can post your work and get feedback, connect with other songwriters all over the world, and participate in challenges. It’s a close-knit and supportive community, and its members are of varying experience and musical ability. There are plenty of lyrics-only writers as well as musicians, and collaboration is highly encouraged. You can sign up at FAWM.org. It’s free, and I promise you’ll make some great friends in the process. And who knows? Perhaps one of those 14 songs of yours will go on to be a hit. Happy writing, and I hope to see you around FAWM!

Robyn Mackenzie is a musician and writer from Edgewood, New Mexico. She recently graduated from the University of New Mexico with a self-designed Bachelor’s degree in the Arts and Education. She is a yearly participant in February Album Writing Month, an online challenge to write 14 songs in 28 days, and a similar challenge called 50/90. As well as songwriting, Robyn enjoys writing fiction and cheesy graphic novels. Her debut album, “Of Dreams and Dust,” was released in September 2010. You can find her on Facebook and Fawm.org.

This article was originally published in the February 2012 issue of SouthWest Sage and is reprinted here by permission of the author.

An Interview with Author Lee Higbie

Posted on January 14, 2016 by

Lee Higbie is a past president of SouthWest Writers and co-founder/author liaison of Scribl, a new e-publishing company. A former computer engineer, he now writes fiction under the pen name BJ Creighton. His standalone novel No Sanctuary was published in 2015. You can find Lee on LinkedIn and at HigbieAuthors.com, the website he shares with his wife Betty.

What is your elevator pitch for No Sanctuary?
Paul Capodicasa, a wealthy benefactor of Rowe Sanctuary, is bludgeoned to death in one of its blinds. Detective Bobbie Lee must solve the murder while avoiding interference from the Mafia and her district attorney uncle. She must also confront the possibility that her son is the murderer.

What inspired you to write the book?
While volunteering at Nebraska’s Rowe Sanctuary, I was inspired by its photo blinds—much smaller than a jail cell. Two people are locked in these blinds from late afternoon until mid-morning the next day. One look and it was obvious the photographers could be at each other’s throats by the time they were let out.

What makes this novel unique in the murder mystery market?
The detective is forced to confront the probability that her son, given up for adoption 22 years earlier, is the perp. Much of the story revolves around rape—the detective’s rape (leading to the son) and the murderer’s rape in jail, both as teenagers.

What challenges did this work pose for you?
Writing from the point of view of a woman. Initially, Bobbie Lee behaved too much like a man. In early drafts, her behavior was not believable.

Why did you decide to use the particular setting you chose?
Rowe Sanctuary chose me, not the other way around.

What is your favorite scene in No Sanctuary?
The scene where Bobbie Lee nearly drowns trying to cross the Platte River.

Why did you decide to use a pen name?
Two reasons, the first is personal that I won’t go into. The other is that my wife Betty helped me with the novel, and I created a pseudonym that is a combination of our names. From a purely marketing perspective, there are advantages to using different names for completely different types of books.

What first inspired you to become a writer?
I’ve been writing for decades and working on fiction for more than ten years. I wrote several science fiction novels, but those were exercises that helped me learn to write fiction.

Who are your favorite authors?
My favorites vary. I’ll go through a period of reading a bunch of novels by one author, but when I start to see the patterns repeating, I often entirely stop reading their work. I have no literary aspirations, only genre fiction.

Knowing what you know now, what would you do differently if you started your publishing career today?
Let me quote Dorothy Parker: If you have any young friends who aspire to become writers, the second greatest favor you can do them is to present them with a copy of The Elements of Style. The first greatest, of course, is to shoot them now while they’re happy.

Why did you decide to take the indie route to publishing?
Mostly because I am not yet good enough—I haven’t written any bestsellers—to be noticed by the legacy publishing establishment.

What part do beta readers or critique groups play in your writing process?
Critique groups were very important some years ago, but I haven’t found a group since moving to New Mexico. Now I use editors instead.

How do you break through writer’s block?
Butt In Chair, Hands on Keyboard (BICHOK).

If you had an unlimited budget, how would you spend your money for marketing and promotion of your books?
I’d hire someone else to market and promote my books because it’s something I’m not good at it.

What are your strengths as a writer?
My strengths are probably my work ethic, knowledge of grammar, and the ability to synthesize research results.

Tell us about Scribl, the e-publishing company you co-founded.
Scribl.com, formerly Scribliotech, is a new publisher of ebooks and audio/ebooks with a unique linking of audio and ebook formats and unique pricing and royalty structures. Scribl started with patented technology to set prices based on popularity. Many authors juggle the prices of their books to increase readership because they’ve found setting a low price can increase sales long after the price has returned to normal. CrowdPricing does this by adjusting the pricing depending on sales. Scribl allows readers to rate books, but we factor in the price a reader paid because readers may think a novel is great for $0.99, but not for $5.99. In addition, we distribute to hundreds of book sites (including Apple, Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and Kobo), so listing a book with us gives it the widest possible distribution. Also, because some sites sell below wholesale, our royalties can be higher than some competitors in some situations.

What writing projects are you working on now?
I’m just finishing two nonfiction books that I plan to publish in 2016. The first is about wine and is celebratory in tone. It has a lot of illustrations in addition to text. The second is about writing. One of the chapters in the book was published in SWW’s The Storyteller’s Anthology. Both of these projects will end up being about half the size of a novel—more like booklets. I plan to start with print-on-demand, probably through IngramSpark, and e-publish through Scribl once we broaden our list to nonfiction titles (in the very near future).

KLWagoner150_2 KL Wagoner (writing as Cate Macabe) is the author of This New Mountain: a memoir of AJ Jackson, private investigator, repossessor, and grandmother. She has a new speculative fiction blog at klwagoner.com and writes about memoir at ThisNewMountain.com.

The Writing Life: On Searching for Purpose

Posted on January 12, 2016 by

by Bentley Clark

I have a confession to make: I don’t know what to write. Now, I don’t mean that I don’t know what to write for this column—although that is a monthly challenge and the source of much teeth gnashing. And I don’t mean that I have writer’s block—although I have been suffering from an extended period of creative constipation. I mean that I don’t know what to write. I have not found my artistic direction or purpose. I am unable to say, “I am a [insert genre here] writer” or “I write [insert form here]” or “I write about [insert insightful thematic topic here].”

In spite of attending conferences and workshops, reading periodicals and following blogs, and in spite of dabbling in several forms and genres, I have yet to experience the creative epiphany to spark my inner artistic tinderbox. The problem isn’t really that I am not drawn to a single genre or form, for all of this literary exposure, but that I am drawn to them all. I want to write scholarly articles for literary journals. I want to write whimsical flash fiction, thrilling short stories and mysterious novels. Oh, turn me loose on screenwriting and see what I can do!

So how to go about reining in this scattershot enthusiasm to focus enough to get myself some artistic direction? To date, I have tried the following:

1. Write what you know. If you’ve met me, you know that the thing I know best of all, my one true love and my arch nemesis, is food. And tea—sweet nectar of the caffeine gods. And yet, I would still rather eat than write about eating and cook rather than write about cooking. Don’t get me wrong, food is art, but I’m not sure that writing about it is my artistic purpose.

2. Find a platform. If a platform communicates your expertise to others, I have to ask “what am I an expert in?” Again… food. Well, that and having no siblings. So, clearly, these two things should be the foundation of my platform. They should be my purpose and direction, right? And yet, being an expert in a thing doesn’t make it your artistic purpose. Maybe my purpose is a genre or topic that I haven’t even tried writing yet. If that’s the case, then platform goes right out the window.

3. Reflect on prior successes. There have been periods in my life when I was prolific and confident. When I was able to strap a muzzle on my inner editor and just keep my head down and write. I wrote well and was proud of it. Shoot, I even won an award now and then. But looking to those times to find direction and purpose for my writing now—and for the future—invites terrifying questions that breed a certain artistic paralysis. Can I write like that again? Are my best days behind me? Best not to look back, really. Better to keep my nose to the grindstone and other platitudes.

There is a mystery and an alchemy to knowing what you are meant to write. I had a friend once tell me that she found her purpose while gently swaying in a hammock in the midsummer gloaming. Absently stroking her cat and nursing a mint julep, she merely conjured it from the magnolia pollen and sunset lithium.

Nah. Not really. But it does seem to be that easy for some, doesn’t it? That their personal identity and artistic purpose are synonymous. That they embody their purpose. I count amongst these purpose-embodiers my Facebook friends: the horror novelist, the science fiction screenwriter, and the contemporary poet. They all seem to have had that hammock-at-the-gloaming epiphany.

But for most of us, it seems more accurate to say that we stumble, drunken-college-student-esque, into our artistic purpose. During lunch at a UNM Department of Continuing Education Start to Sales Conference, my table mates all told stories about how they began writing one thing—a memoir, a travelogue, a textbook—only to discover that they were not, in fact, writing a memoir, travelogue or textbook. And it was the new thing, the thing they hadn’t started out writing that became their passion and defined their purpose. Perhaps that is all purpose-finding is: serendipity.

So, I will continue to proactively stumble towards my purpose. But, just in case my purpose is in search of me as well, I’ll hang my hammock at the corner where serendipity and epiphany intersect.

BentleyClark125 Bentley Clark thinks her artistic purpose may have run away from home. If you happen to find it wandering the streets, alone and bewildered, please leave a comment.

This article was originally published in the June 2012 issue of SouthWest Sage and is reprinted here by permission of the author.

Image “Out Of One’s Head, Relax The Brain” courtesy of thaikrit / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Writing In No Time

Posted on January 7, 2016 by

by Chris Eboch

So many things demand our time—job, spouse, children, volunteer work, housework. It’s tempting to say, I’ll write during vacation, or when the kids are back in school, or when the kids leave home, or when I retire ….

Yet if you want to be a writer, you must find time to write.

Becoming a writer requires commitment. If you don’t take your work seriously, your family and friends certainly won’t either. The new year is traditionally a time for resolutions, so make one for your writing self. Let people know how important writing is to you. Insist that writing time is your time, and you must not be disturbed. Carve out a few hours each week. Then close the door and ignore your phone and e-mail, or take your laptop to the library.

Finding even a few hours may seem hopeless when you have young children. Louise Spiegler, author of middle grade novel The Amethyst Road, says, “It is impossible for me to write with my kids awake and active. I either tried to get both kids to nap at the same time or I spent my non-existent savings on two hours of babysitting.”

Try trading babysitting with other writing parents. Or start a play group/writers group: the kids play, the parents write or critique.

Molly Blaisdell, author of the picture book Rembrandt and the Boy Who Drew Dogs: A story about Rembrandt van Rijn, and mother of four, found another creative way to keep her kids busy. “I kept all the special toys in my office. When I wanted to work on a scene, I’d pull down that box and say, “This is quiet time for special toys.’” It would always be good for about half an hour and sometime would go for two hours.”

No Use for a Muse

When your writing time is limited, you can’t afford to waste a moment. After having a baby, Michele Corriel, author of Weird Rocks says, “I still managed to get up before my daughter and cram in even half an hour. The problem with a shorter amount of time is you really have to switch it on.”

Successful writers agree: no waiting for the right mood. Spiegler says, “As soon as the kids were asleep or safely dropped off, I would sit down and start working—no waiting for inspiration.”

The most productive writers work anywhere and everywhere. Jean Daigenau says, “I take advantage of the few minutes of downtime I have at school or home—while I’m eating lunch or supervising the homework group at our after-school latchkey program or soaking in the bathtub.”

If you can’t do serious writing in five-minute bursts, use the time in other ways. Daigenau suggests, “Get it written on the computer and then use those few minutes here and there to revise.”

Christine Liu Perkins, author of At Home in Her Tomb: Lady Dai and the Ancient Chinese Treasures of Mawangdui comments, “When I’m constantly being interrupted, chauffeuring, or sitting in waiting rooms, I brainstorm and pre-write. Wherever I am, I focus on a specific problem for that short session. What points do I want to include in this article? What happens next in the story?”

Compromise

The best organized life can sometimes just get too full. Spiegler, who also teaches college now, cautions against buying into the super-woman myth. “It is almost impossible for me to work at a demanding job and take care of kids and write regularly. The only way I can write is to be teaching something familiar that I can spend less prep time on.”

You can’t do it all, so decide what’s most important. Then look for areas to cut back. Reduce your work hours, or cut commute time with a job closer to home. Commute by bus and write as you ride. Arrange car pools or play dates for your kids. Dictate into a tape recorder as you walk for exercise. Let the housework slide, and make quick meals. Cut back on email, web surfing or TV. Try keeping a journal of your activities for a week to find out just how much time you waste.

Put your family to work as well. Train your kids (or spouse) to do housework and some of the cooking—they’ll learn important skills while you get free time!

When a real crisis intrudes—sick kids, ailing parents, a job change or divorce—you may need to take time off from writing. Just don’t let it drag on forever. Plan how you’ll handle the crisis, and schedule a time to return to writing. In the meantime, read writing magazines or books for a few minutes each week to keep your focus.

How about your time? Where does writing fit in your life?

Decide, and make a commitment to your work. Then repeat this mantra: I am a writer, and writers write.

Chris Eboch writes fiction and nonfiction for all ages. In Bandits Peak, a teenage boy meets strangers hiding on the mountains and gets drawn into their crimes, until he risks his life to expose them. The Eyes of Pharaoh is an action-packed mystery set in ancient Egypt. The Genie’s Gift is an Arabian Nights-inspired fantasy adventure. In The Well of Sacrifice, a Mayan girl in ninth-century Guatemala rebels against the High Priest who sacrifices anyone challenging his power. Her writing craft books include You Can Write for Children: How to Write Great Stories, Articles, and Books for Kids and Teenagers and Advanced Plotting.

Learn more at www.chriseboch.com or her Amazon page, or check out her writing tips at her Write Like a Pro! blog. Sign up for her Workshop newsletter for classes and critique offers.

Chris also writes novels of suspense and romance for adults under the name Kris Bock; read excerpts at www.krisbock.com.

This article was originally published in the January 2011 issue of SouthWest Sage and is reprinted here by permission of the author.

Revising Fiction: Is it Show? How can you Tell?

Posted on January 5, 2016 by

by Kirt Hickman

You’ve heard it before: Never tell something you can show. This is a difficult concept for many new writers, but it’s crucial. It lurks beneath a multitude of self editing sins: problems ranging from passive voice to information dumps and narrative summary, to absence of tension, and others. Telling the story, rather than showing it, gives it the detached feel of a news article. It keeps the reader from experiencing it as though she is the viewpoint character. It leeches the importance—the very life—out of the events.

What is Tell?

How do you know if you’re showing or telling? My rule of thumb is simple.

You may state facts:

Gerri threw the contract onto the floor, snatched up her coat and stormed from the room.Don’t draw conclusions for your reader¹:

Gerri was angry.In the first sentence, you see Gerri’s actions and are allowed to draw your own conclusion that she’s angry. This is show. In the second, I’ve drawn the conclusion for you. This is tell. Decide for yourself which is more compelling to read.

Consider these examples from a critique submission.² The scene is written from the viewpoint of a teenage boy.

Tell: There was someone breaking into the house.Show: The trapdoor burst down and Ian jumped backwards. Dust showered the cardboard boxes that cluttered the closet floor. As soon as the ladder thunked down, a black boot stepped onto the top rung, followed by another.This example is the next sentence of the same submission.

Tell: [Ian’s] first thought was that he should probably get help, but he was much too distracted.Show: Before [Ian] could run for help, the shapely legs of the woman in the boots arrested him.Ian fails to move because of the intruder’s shapely legs. This shows that he’s distracted without saying, “He was distracted.” The phrase “before he could run for help” shows Ian’s thoughts without saying, “He thought he should get help.”

Here’s an example in which the same author did a delightful job of showing:

[Rhiannon] leaned forward, her eyes fixed on the artery that had begun to pulse faster as she leaned close to it.This is a great line. It shows the emotions of both characters. Rhiannon, whom you’ve surmised is a vampire, leans forward with her eyes fixed on Ian’s pulsing vein. It’s absolutely clear what she wants, and the author never said, “Rhiannon was hungry for blood.” Ian’s artery pulsing faster shows his fear without saying, “He was afraid,” or “He was excited.” Context will establish which emotion he’s actually feeling.

How to Show

Rewrite any sections in which you’ve told something. To find a way to show it, ask yourself this question: What can the viewpoint character see, hear, feel, smell, taste, or recall, that allows him to draw the conclusions that you’ve told instead of shown? In other words: How does he know this? If you’ve drawn a conclusion for the reader, the viewpoint character must also have drawn this conclusion. On what is his conclusion based?

If the viewpoint character has nothing upon which to base the conclusion, no way to know the thing you’ve told, then the section of tell constitutes a viewpoint violation. Delete it or find some other place in your manuscript to reveal the information. Keep in mind, though, that if you move it, it’s still tell. You must still convert it to show.

Be particularly attentive to dialog tags that tell emotion, as in this example:

“Herrera was on board.”“On the Phoenix?” Chase said, surprised. “What was he doing there?”You may have shown the emotion well enough through the actions, thoughts, and dialog of the character. If you have, that’s good. If not, find a way to do so. Either way, delete the part of the tag that tells emotion.

Below, I offer three ways to correct the passage above. I show Chase’s surprise through his actions, thoughts, and dialog, respectively.

“On the Phoenix?” Chase glanced at the central hologram, as if it could somehow confirm the news. “What was he doing there?”“On the Phoenix?” He couldn’t be. “What was he doing there?“On the Phoenix?” Chase said. “What the hell was he doing there?”If finding ways to effectively show your characters’ emotions is difficult for you, you’re not alone. For help, read my series “13 Ways to Show Character Emotions” beginning with part one.

¹Noah Lukeman. The First Five Pages. Simon & Schuster. 2000.
²Excerpts from critique submissions are reprinted with the permission of the original author.

Kirt Hickman is a technical writer turned fiction author. His books include three sci-fi thriller novels Worlds Asunder (2008), Venus Rain (2010) and Mercury Sun (2014), the high fantasy novel Fabler’s Legend (2011), and the writers’ how-to Revising Fiction: Making Sense of the Madness (2009).

This article was originally published in the May 2008 issue of SouthWest Sage, and is reprinted here by permission of the author.

The Best Writing Advice from SWW Authors

Posted on December 31, 2015 by

Next to the originator of a good sentence is the first quoter of it. I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.
~ Emerson

What better writing advice than that given by a published author?

In the course of interviewing SouthWest Writers’ authors for this website, one of the questions I asked was, “What advice would you give to beginning or discouraged writers?” Here are the answers compiled from ten of the interviews posted in 2015.

The publishing world is competitive, but writing shouldn’t be. No two writers will ever tell a story exactly the same way. Don’t be afraid to help those around you, or to learn from others. If you’re not improving and having fun as a writer, you may as well move on to something else. One of my characters once told me, “If you ain’t havin’ fun, you’re just wastin’ space.” That has become my motto. ~ Sarah Baker

Bumblebee physiology is inconsistent with flight, so instead of flapping their wings up and down like a bird, they wave them in a figure eight pattern. Unwilling to walk from flower to flower, they achieve their goal by working with the laws of physics to find a way to fly. It’s the same with writing: if one avenue doesn’t pan out, find another. ~ Olive Balla

Writing can be a box with rigid structures that are demanding and restrictive to one’s creative nature. On the other hand, writing can be as fluid as the ink that flows unto the paper. It can become a vehicle that opens up doors to new worlds of possibility and to dreams that have never been expressed. My hope is that every writer who feels the need for more freedom chooses the latter. ~ S.S. Bazinet

Don’t wait until it’s perfect, because it’ll never happen. Obviously, it’s necessary to do a thorough job editing, but it’s too easy to get hung up on minor things and never get the job done. ~ Susan C. Cooper

Just begin. Trust yourself and your words. Forget many of the things you learned about “rules.” As Mark David Gerson suggests in The Voice of the Muse, there are 13 rules. The first is: There are no rules. The story exists and you are the vehicle which carries it. ~ Elizabeth Ann Galligan

Discouragement is part of the writing game. So is perseverance. And perseverance will eventually win (think Thomas Edison). My advice: Keep honing your craft. Join a critique group and learn to take criticism; after all, they’re readers, and writers need readers. Realize your writing isn’t sacred and not to be changed in any way; remember, you can’t see mistakes in your own writing—you’re too close. ~ Larry Greenly

Don’t give up. Find publishers who’ve issued books similar to yours. Develop a great query to send them, one that will get their interest enough that they’ll even read your submission. Create a first page that grabs them. ~ Joyce Hertzoff

People who write are called writers. People who wait are called waiters. I’d advise you to write every day, if only for the sheer pleasure of it. Don’t worry about the Great American Novel, etc. Enjoy what you do! Or find something else to do, life is too short. ~ Robert Kidera

Learn to reject rejection. Get used to the idea that there is going to be a lot of rejection along the way. The secret is to never give up. If one person tells you no, ask someone else. Someone, somewhere, sometime will say yes. Move on to the next person. Someone is waiting to say yes. ~ Gale O’Brien

Set both weekly and monthly goals/deadlines for yourself. Write them down and work diligently toward achieving them. Buy an appointment book and schedule time for writing, rewriting and research. Your “great expectations” will be easier to achieve when you have established in writing what they are. ~ Shirley Raye Redmond

Image “Light at End of Tunnel” courtesy of lkunl / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Magazine Writing: Bagging Your First Assignment

Posted on December 29, 2015 by

by Melody Groves

And why aren’t you writing for magazines? I can list the reasons if you can’t come up with your own. No new ideas. Don’t know which magazine would take my article. No clue how to begin. And for cryin’ out loud, I’m a fiction writer!

These are excuses, not reasons. I’m here to tell you that you can and should write for magazines. With over 9,000 published annually, there is at least one that will publish your article. But wait! In addition to a plethora of magazines (both print and online), the question then is: why should I want to? I’ll tell you why.

1. Relatively short turnaround time. Generally, you get assigned a story with a deadline anywhere from a week to three months down the road. It’s published shortly after that, maybe a month or two later. It’s so much quicker than novels that have to go through editing, formatting, more editorial, layout, editorial, cover design, final editorial and then publishing. We won’t even mention distribution and marketing. No marketing involved in your magazine article. (On the plus side, your weekends are now free. On the down side, you have nothing to sign—although I did sign an article I wrote for New Mexico Magazine for my mail carrier!)

2. A little bit goes a long way. That research you did for your novel (you did do research, didn’t you?), use it for magazine articles. Take the same information, change it around, put the focus on a different aspect and voilà! Article number two. Why not write as many articles as you can for as many publications as you can using the same research? Why not, indeed?

Here’s how it’s done. Say you wrote a novel where the murderer is somewhat of a snobbish wine connoisseur who lives in New Zealand. Well, there you go. One article about the types of wine produced in New Zealand (yes, they do); another article about traveling there to tour the wineries; a third article about how the Kiwis (the native population) use wine in their celebrations. I don’t know about you, but I can think of about 30 more articles based on New Zealand wine.

And it’s a huge plus if the editor knows you have a book with this information in it. He’ll let you plug your book down in the bio section at the end of the article. Definitely an ego-boosting thing to do.

3. First North American Serial Rights. A way cool writer-friendly law that says once your article is published and the magazine is off the shelf, then the rights revert back to you and you can sell that puppy as is again—for less money, of course. A word of caution: some magazines do not accept reprints. Some love them (such as Readers Digest). Check with the website and/or editor to be sure. You’ve got to be professional. If they don’t take reprints, don’t try to fool them. If, however, it’s been 10 years, tell them, and there’s a chance they’ll say yes.

4. And the clincher (insert drum roll here): Writing for magazines pays. Okay, you probably can’t count on selling one article and then taking your long-awaited trip to Hawaii on that paycheck alone. Magazines pay anywhere from nothing up to $2 a word. That’s right. Per Word. Who wouldn’t want to earn $2 for typing the word “the”? Sign me up. The average is 30 cents a word with some regional publications offering less. The good news: the more often you write for the same editor, the more he pays. Generally. So, since they publish fairly soon after you submit the article, you don’t have to wait forever to get that check. Most times they’ll pay after acceptance. And most times they pay with a 50 percent kill fee.* Look carefully at the contract. It’ll say in there. If not, ask the editor to include it.

And usually, they pay extra for photos. Check their submission guidelines or call their office. If you can offer photo services (it’s so much cheaper to take them yourself), it’s a Bigfoot foot in the door.

Do some quick arithmetic with me: Say 750 words at 20 cents per word: $150. Not shabby. If you do that once a week, that’s…let’s see…carry the one… $600 a month. Within a year you could be sailing to Hawaii. Don’t forget sunscreen. Swimsuits are optional.

*A “kill fee” means that after you submit your article and they accept it, and for some reason totally out of your control they decide not to run it, they’ll give you half of the agreed upon rate. At this point, you can shop that article around without rewriting it at all. Kind of a win-win deal. Kind of.

Seven-time award-winner Melody Groves is the author of four historical fiction novels, three non-fiction books, and dozens of magazine articles. Past-president of SouthWest Writers, she’s also a member of Western Writers of America. And when not writing, she plays rhythm guitar in the Jammy Time Band. Visit her at MelodyGroves.net.

This article was originally published in the August 2012 issue of SouthWest Sage and is reprinted here by permission of the author.

An Interview with Author Parris Afton Bonds

Posted on December 24, 2015 by

Parris Afton Bonds is the cofounder and first vice president of Romance Writers of America, as well as a cofounder of SouthWest Writers. A New York Times best-selling author, she has published over 40 novels and volunteers to teach creative writing to grade school students and female inmates. Indian Affairs (Paradise Publishing, 2013) is one of her most recent novels. You can find Parris on LinkedIn, Facebook, and her website at ParrisAftonBonds.com.

What is your elevator pitch for Indian Affairs?
Turning conventional wisdom on its head, Washington socialite Alessandra O’Quinn and Indian shaman Manuel Mondragon, defy time and space and politics and families to come together in the sweeping canvas of the 1920’s outpost of Taos, New Mexico. But can they defy Destiny to stay together?

Tell us about your main protagonists, their flaws and strengths, and the hurdles they’re trying to overcome.
Physical hurdles, such as tuberculosis, and the emotional/psychological ones like submissiveness in the face of male/military domination actually compel Alessandra to take on the U. S. government in defense of the peaceful Taos people. And for Man, the assumption that he has only one destiny—to lead his people in the peaceful way of the heart—is challenged by his confrontation with the outside world in the form of Alessandra.

Why did you decide to use Taos, New Mexico as the setting for the book?
Since I was five or six years old, during a visit to Carlsbad Caverns, I instinctively knew that the desert Southwest was where I belong. It was like a tsunami of a metaphysical impact. Taos Puebloan history—its peaceful battle for its sacred Blue Lake—provided the perfect setting for the story I wanted to tell. In Indians Affairs (originally titled When the Heart Is Right(, I included this quote that I feel is a perfect summation for my novel: “La Querencia, that was it. The soul’s comfort, the heart’s joy. Where one was drawn by an attraction without logic, yet with an undeniable force. La Querencia. That was Man and northern New Mexico.”

Will those who know you recognize you in your main protagonist?
Yes, my characters are compelled, despite their flaws and fears, to create a meaningful life.

Is there a scene in your book that you’d love to see play out in a movie?
Naturally, I would be dancing on sunshine if the entire story of Indian Affairs was made into a movie, but if I had to pick one scene, it would be the Senate confrontation where Man presents his impassioned testimony for this people’s right to their homeland. Homeland. For me, the word says so much.

What makes this novel unique in the historical romance market?
I think Indians Affairs possesses one unique and strong element that makes it different from other novels in the historical romance market: its metaphysical approach to the combined dynamics of history and romance.

What sparked the story idea?
I actually moved from Texas to northern New Mexico and spent two years there researching. I dedicated Indian Affairs to a phenomenal person and writer, a Southwest Writers Workshop member, Hana Norton, whose beautiful spirit led the way to this story. It was she who gave me the germ of the basis for my novel.

Do you have a message or a theme that recurs in your writing?
Yes, that sacrifice for the sake of a large issue is always worthy of a reward.

When did you first know you were a writer?
I wrote my first story (actually typed it on an old Remington) when I was five years old. My mom saved the story, and I have it packed away somewhere. I have always written. But it wasn’t until I moved to Mexico City, that I actively began to write professionally. My first sale netted me $85 for a piece I did for Modern Secretary about a U.S. Embassy secretary. (I loved getting patted down by the handsome Marine guard). That was 43 years ago, and I am still obsessed/possessed by the writing demon/angel—a curse and a blessing.

You’ve written several series (Midsummer Madness; Kingdom Come; Blue Bayou; Janet Lomayestewa, Tracker). What are the challenges in writing a series? Who is your favorite character from one of your series?
Writing a series has its benefits in that you know the character as well as you know the lines in the palm of your hand. However, that is also its drawback—the challenge to create and explore is somewhat mitigated. I have to guard against this laziness when writing a series. Most likely, my favorite character is Janet Lomayestewa, Hopi Indian, because she is so human. She has such inner demons to fight, and she fiercely (but not fearlessly) takes them on: “All right,” she mutters, as I find myself doing sometimes, “bring it on. ”

Of all the stories you’ve written, which one did you enjoy writing the most?
I had the most fun writing Blue Moon. It just seemed to have a will of its own and wrote itself. I merely looked on, mouth open, as magic took over.

Who are your favorite authors?
I love the Old Guard authors: Edna Ferber, Frank Yerby, Rafael Sabatini, Thomas Costain, and Dale Van Every. I was weaned on them. But there are also many present-day, talented writers I enjoy as well, among them Ken Follett. Mitch Albom, and John Grisham.

What are your strengths as a writer, and what do you do to overcome your weaknesses?
My weakness is I tend to overwrite. My strength is my perseverance to create the best story of which I am capable. That means rewrite, rewrite, rewrite—and read, read, read. Everything. Every day.

What percentage of your time is spent writing, and what percent is spent on the business-side of writing?
I tend to take care of the business-side of writing the first hour or so in the morning. Doing so paves the way for the commitment to the creative aspect of my writing, which usually takes anywhere from six to twelve hours, depending if I am on a roll in my writing.

What are the hardest kinds of scenes for you to write?
I find the most difficult scenes to write are those that demand I dig deep into the character’s psyche. If I have to struggle to find the kernel that chafes my character, then I have to acknowledge I don’t really know my character. Deeper drilling to the core is necessary. For me, this is a real angst.

What advice do you have for beginning or discouraged writers?
I offer two pieces of advice for beginning or discouraged writers: (1) write for yourself—what others think of your soul’s outpouring is none of your business; and (2) the cliché to never give up—it is a powerful elixir (see my answer to the last interview question).

What are you working on now?
Currently, I am finishing up the 5th book (The Banshees) in The Texican series, a historical (not historical romance), which begins in 1835. Book five takes The Texican’s Paladín family through 1963. This will be the first time I have collaborated on a book, and my partner in crime is my former agent, Chuck Neighbors, another Texan.

Is there anything else you’d like readers to know?
Like some people believe in ghosts, I believe in magic. And I believe if you never, never, never give up, your magic is given its chance to work.